Move Forward

Original post Oct. 21, 2018

Updated Feb 17, 2022

Photo by Анна Рыжкова from Pexels

It may seem easier to be complacent, but why would I want to remain complacent or “comfortable” when I am meant to progress, learn and grow?

Well, for one… it’s hard! I’m still learning how to overcome behaviors and habits that hinder my ability to have the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, which ultimately allows me to receive direction and inspiration in my life (D&C 121:45–46; D&C 20:37, Doctrine & Covenants; Moroni 4:3, Book of Mormon).

I’m going through the Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) through The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for the third time because I just want to progress; I want to move on and move forward in my life. I’ve struggled with an eating disorder for as long as I can remember. I never saw it as a problem, but from the time I was a kid. I was doing what many kids do- steal candy from our parents’ closet and binge eat on candy, sweets and treats from Halloween to Christmas and Valentines day to Easter. These rituals seemed to focus on binge eating and secrecy.

Eventually I began binge eating then extreme dieting and rigorous workout regimes during my adolescence. I was obsessed with food, diet and exercise. It haunted my thoughts constantly, and took away time I could invest with loved ones or creating or doing something worthwhile. Instead, I chose to fill my time with activities that “numb” my mind from the anxiety I felt with daily stressors.

Stress is a part of life, and stress is not unhealthy. I recently learned that stress causes the same physical response in your body as excitement; however, the only thing that changes is how I’m perceiving the stress. If I tell my brain, “I’m freaking out” then my body reacts negatively with anxiety. If I tell my brain “everything is okay” then my body reacts accordingly.

When I experience some advanced form of stress in my life, I would turn to habits to numb my mind. In 2018, when I first created this post, when even the tiniest bit of stress showed itself, I typically didn’t think twice before I went straight to spiritually destructive patterns. I had (and continue to have) a desires to change, and I believed I could through Jesus Christ. If we’re struggling with any addiction whether it’s alcohol, drugs, anger, eating, watching shows, listening to music, having unhealthy thoughts or anything that drives the spirit away; I know there’s hope to overcome these patterns, but we must always be honest with ourselves.

Here’s a link to step 1 for ARP

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2012-12-001-step-one-honesty?lang=eng