Tag: Is there a God?

Is there a God?

4th June 2022 10am

Do you think you’re crazy? I’m here to tell you, you are not alone. But I’m also here to tell you, you are not crazy.

You know that feeling inside the pit of your stomach? Where something feels…cringy…? Many may refer to it as your gut feeling or gut instinct.

Well, I ignored this feeling and eventually I was deceived because of my choice to forego any cringy or “something doesnt feel right” feeling.

Let me explain. Hi, if this is your first read of my journal entries, welcome. I’ve struggled with an onslaught of addiction and behaviors that really don’t show my appreciation and gratitude for what I have been given in life. My choices have lead me down some dark paths. I believed I had finally found the way out, and I did! But just as I thought I was at my strongest point in life, through a spiritual, temporal, and emotional lens, I was hard-core blindsided because I didnt listen to the “cringy-something-doesnt-feel-right” feeling.

I had an influence in my life who quoted scripture, prophets, and claimed to be receiving revelation and promptings from the spirit, and this was someone I considered to be a close friend. Someone I’ve known over the last 5+ years. We went to church together, we worshiped together, we cried and laughed together. This was someone I trusted.

This experience taught me a potential pattern of philosophies of men mingled with scripture. This could also be repharased as philosphies of friends mingled with scripture. Especially if used to persuade, manipulate or brag about ones spirituality and ability to receive constant revelation, as if they have am open conduit from heaven and God is speaking to them 24/7.

I thought I was a bad person because I wasn’t receiving constant revelation like this person. On may 17th she called and claimed she felt prompted to call me. I was in the middle of listening to a podcast from a locap therapist. I thought he had some good tools he was teaching the listener, so I wondered if I was being led astray and my friend was here to teach me truth.

I told her I only had 5 minutes to talk. I had left her a voicemail to apologize about something I had done, and she said Heavenly Father wanted her to tell me that His spirit had withdrawn from me, and that I didn’t owe her an apology, I owed Him and apology. This didn’t make sense because I had already asked for forgiveness. So I wondered if maybe I wasnt sincere, so then I believed what she said because I have an addiction and struggle daily! I truly thought she was talking with God and He was telling her these things, even though I reasoned against it several times.

So she portrayed God as continously talking to her. She spoke as if Heavenly Father were really talking to her, and even thought “something didn’t feel right” I thought it was because I was, for lack of a better word, not worthy and not able to have the God’s Power in my life.

BEWARE THE PHILOSOPHIES OF MEN MINGLED WITH SCRIPTURE

I’d like to say I have the truth, but really truly the only way to truth is through the Savior. I am just a person, and I can’t lead you. Only through Christ, the Lord omnipotent can truth be received.

I thought I was being lead to truth through another person, and thus experience REALLY hurt.

In 2016, I decided to leave Amy habits and behaviors behind. This was hard! I had to move and get rid of things that tied my mind back to people and situations that caused triggers and flashbacks to painful memories.

During this process I had to leave friends behind, but I also prayed for a new friend. A true friend. And along came, *Diana. We weren’t bosom buddies at first, but over time we shared a lot of spiritual knowledge and quests together. Our lives seemed to parallel one anithers in regard to trial hardship and other spiritual pursuits.

We’ve been in each other’s lives for the last 6 years. I definitely felt connected to her, perhaps more so than to my husband. THIS WAS NOT OKAY. And I wondered about thus off and on again. I just felt more spiritually connected to Diana. She often shared “revelations” and “promptings” she was receiving. It seemed she had a continual conduit of knowledge from the heavens.

I felt inspired by her, but at times… something didn’t feel right in the pit of My stomach. That gut instinct seemed to signal something was off, especially since this past March of 2022.

She bore her testimony about the Savior, and I just remember feeling…uncomfortable. I thought this meant there was something wrong with me! I remember being taught that spirit recognizes spirit, and “bad” is uncomfortable around “good.”

Well, I still have many habits that take me away from Christ, so I thought, there was something wrong with me because of my addictions. So I began to mistake the cringey feeling for this idea that Diana’s better than me and I’m worse than her. I felt shame, guilt, all manner or yucky feelings!

She repeatedly discussed revelation and promptings she received from Heavenly Father. She often asked if we could pray together. Can you see how I placed too much trust in someone based on what I was seeing over what I was feeling?

“Something doesn’t feel right” is an indicator that SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT. So. Trust that feeling. Eventually I allowed myself to be deceived. This was a hard lesson to learn. Are you ready for the story?

I WAS DECEIVED. LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES!

I had felt for several years I needed to see a therapist, but then I would reason against this thought. It wasn’t until I was camping and had a dream that is too personal to share where essentially I came to understand I needed therapy.

I began to move forward by calling and leaving a voicemail on one therapists line, and a got on a waiting list for another therapist. In the meantime I began listening to a podcast from a local therapist. He gave some good tips. And then, my friend called. “I feel prompted to call you ” she said. “Oh. Okay?” I can’t even remember all that she said but at one point she instructed me on how to overcome anxiety which I will not repeat here for sever reasons.

I began doing everything she taught me. Even thought, something felt off. Fast forward to the next day, and I believed I was following a true and correct source of knowledge and instruction.

It wasn’t until my sister in law showed up and i shared with her my “revelations” and before leaving she shared with me what she knew to be true. I felt a burning I’m my bosom. A sure way of knowing what I was receiving was truth. I immediately questioned what I had received… and gasped…”I think I have been deceived….” my sister in law looked concerned. She eventually left.

Later that day I went to see a replica of the tabernacle described in the Bible. As I was there I kept questioning everything… had I been deceived? Somethings not right. But what? At the end of the tour, I entered a chapel building of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and they had the most beautiful music and images of the Savior. Again I felt that same feeling in my chest. Only this time.. it was more of a peaceful feeling that filled my bosom, confirming that this was truth.

I had been deceived. I thought I was receiving light and truth from a correct source. I apologized to several I had potentially lead astray those few days, especially my husband. It was scary. It was truly a scary experience. One that I hope to prevent others from falling for.

I do not have the whole truth. I have bits and pieces. Light and truth can only come from one source. I can only bate witness of what I know and what I believe.

I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Chrsit. I believe that the Savior died for us, so I can live with God and my family again if I live righteously. I have a hope in Christ. I believe in the power of the Holy Ghost. I believe in revelation. I believe that we have living prophets and Apostles that walk the earth today to lead and guide God’s people. I believe Christ’s church has been restored through the prophet, Joseph Smith. I believe all people can come to a knowledge of this truth if they feast upon the words of Christ and experiment to know for themselves. I believe Christ will return to the earth and reign in His glory. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

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We Can Know 4/4

26 May, 2022, 5:33am

We can know God if we will: Obey all His commandments as best we can (see John 14:21–23).

21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.
22 Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world?
23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him

John 14:21–23

Taken from the Gospel Principles manual by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

We Can Know 2/4

26 May, 2022, 5:12am

We can know God if we will: Study the scriptures (see 2 Timothy 3:14–17).

“14 But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them;
15 And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:
17 That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works

2 Timothy 3:14–17

Taken from the Gospel Principles manual by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

We Can Know 1/4

26 May, 2022 5:04am

We can know God if we will: Believe that He exists and that He loves us.

“Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.”

Mosiah 4:9

Taken from the Gospel Principles manual by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

Step 4: Truth – Make a Fearless Moral Written Inventory

I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell.

Nephi

I’ve been working on step 4 across a five year period. I’ve completed the 12 steps in the Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints once in 12 years. I’ve restarted the Program several times, but tend to get stuck on step 4.

It seems self-abusive patterns sneak back into my life when things get hard. As I took step 4, I discovered underlying emotions and beliefs that were symptomatic of pride, envy, bitterness, and resentment. I learned the importance to supplement each day with gratitude, faith, prayer, and scripture study. Other vital steps include striving to remember my divine heritage as a child of God, striving to counsel with the Lord, and striving to follow promptings I receive. These daily practices help me step away from addiction and step toward Jesus Christ.

SELF-ABUSE

I’ve experienced varying forms of sobriety. In 20 years, this is the longest length of time I’ve resisted temptation, including self-abusive patterns, yet many days I make choices which slide me back to neglect my needs whether temporal, spiritual, or emotional.

I used to physically harm my body, especially during the ages of 15-17. Now, when I self-abuse, it’s in a verbal/emotional form. I look in the mirror or sit on the sofa and listen to the thoughts pick apart my body, my looks, my character, and who I am as a person. I could choose to walk away, I could choose to hum a favorite hymn or familiar tune, but when I’m tired, weary, and worn down, it becomes increasingly difficult to battle the adversary’s blasts of attempts to tear me down.

When we listen to the harmful thoughts, it engages our minds in an emotional self-destructive warfare. We have the ability to choose to tune our mind differently, but we must become aware of what’s happening. Typically, these patterns have seed in our childhood, are immensely difficult to break, and cannot be done alone.

To overcome these harmful cycles, Step 4 deals with telling the truth and making a fearless written moral inventory. It doesn’t mean we won’t have fear in writing our inventory.

The following ARP passages have helped me to navigate difficult memories as I’ve worked on my personal inventory:

Look beyond your past behaviors and examine the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that led to your behavior. Your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are actually the roots of your addictive behaviors. 

Unless you examine all your tendencies toward fear, pride, resentment, anger, self-will, and self-pity, your abstinence will be shaky at best.

ARP – STEP 4

REFLECTION ON ADDICTION

This last week, abusive thoughts and temptations infiltrated my mind more often than usual. I’ve been dealing with sickness and lack of sleep. It seems these are times when harmful thoughts are most prevalent. Regardless, I continued to work on my inventory and came to realize how mentally crippling beliefs, attitudes, and emotions affected my destructive decisions.

I was concsciously unaware of feelings, thoughts, and beliefs which existed and continue to influence my reactions, but as I’ve addressed them and made a physical copy of my inventory, I’ve slowly begun to process examine these tendencies in the situations that come to my mind. Prayer and trusting the Lord through your process is key.

GRATITUDE

In his 96 years, President Russell M. Nelson of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has seen many trials. But he says there’s a simple remedy to help us find joy in hard times—gratitude.

President Russell M. Nelson on the Healing Power of Gratitude

Gratitude precedes miracles. Thomas S. Monson, 16th President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, described the following biblical experience to illustrate this truth:

In the book of Matthew in the Bible, we have another account of gratitude, this time as an expression from the Savior. As He traveled in the wilderness for three days, more than 4,000 people followed and traveled with Him. He took compassion on them, for they may not have eaten during the entire three days. His disciples, however, questioned, “Whence should we have so much bread in the wilderness, as to fill so great a multitude?” Like many of us, the disciples saw only what was lacking. “And Jesus saith unto them, How many loaves have ye? And [the disciples] said, Seven, and a few little fishes. “And [Jesus] commanded the multitude to sit down on the ground. “And he took the seven loaves and the fishes, and gave thanks, and brake them, and gave to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude.” Notice that the Savior gave thanks for what they had—and a miracle followed: “And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the broken meat that was left seven baskets full.” We have all experienced times when our focus is on what we lack rather than on our blessings. Said the Greek philosopher Epictetus, “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” Gratitude is a divine principle. The Lord declared through a revelation given to the Prophet Joseph Smith: “Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things. … “And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things.” In the Book of Mormon we are told to “live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which [God] doth bestow upon you.” Regardless of our circumstances, each of us has much for which to be grateful if we will but pause and contemplate our blessings.

The Divine Gift of Gratitude

Gratitude, combined with faith can bring about miraculous events, including healing. I still have a long ways to go, but I’ve gone almost a year without a MAJOR relapse into eating patterns, gaming, or pornographic pursuits. I’ve had micro relapses but nothing compared to my past addictions. I could not have made it this far without Jesus Christ and His infinite sacrifice through The Atonement. Gratitude is one way to combat these patterns.

I could not have made it this far without the Saviors merits, mercy, and grace. I could not have done this without The Lord and all those people he has placed in my life to help me along my way. I would be a completely different person without my Lord, my God. My Redeemer. The truths I have learned through the restored gospel of Jesus Christ have given me the direction to take, one step at a time.

I am grateful for the knowledge I have gained, the experiences, the trials, and hardships. They have brought me to my knees and have brought me closer to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They have brought me closer to my family and relationships that uplift and inspire. I have worked on making reconciliation in many relationships and have been working to right wrongs that I didn’t realize needed addressing until going through another one of the Church’s Programs, The Emotional Resilience Course.

EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE

My cousin Audrey and I have been working on the emotional resilience course through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints too. This has been a huge help. Yesterday here’s what we covered:

You are a child of God. He is the Father of your spirit. Spiritually you are of noble birth, the offspring of the King of Heaven. Fix that truth in your mind and hold to it” (Boyd K. Packer, “To Young Women and Men,” Ensign, May 1989, 54).

“Be careful how you characterize yourself. Don’t characterize or define yourself by some temporary quality. The only single quality that should characterize us is that we are a son or daughter of God. That fact transcends all other characteristics, including race, occupation, physical characteristics, honors, or even religious affiliation” (Dallin H. Oaks, “How to Define Yourself,” New Era, June 2013, 48).

“You are unique. One of a kind, made of the eternal intelligence which gives you claim upon eternal life.
“Let there be no question in your mind about your value as an individual. The whole intent of the gospel plan is to provide an opportunity for each of you to reach your fullest potential, which is eternal progression and the possibility of godhood” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, Nov. 1978, 105).

My Foundation: Our Divine Identity and Purpose

MY TESTIMONY

I know as I remember the truth that I am a child of God and that everyone around me are children of God, a loving Heavebly Father, then I can begin to change my patterns of self-objectification and objectifying others. We are not objects to be acted upon. We are human beings with hearts and souls with divine worth and potential. As I remember these truths I can see others as they really are and I can see myself as a true daughter of a Heavenly King who loves me infinitely and truly wants whats best for me, but I mist choose. It is my choice. A choice a make daily to either follow after truth and light, or to turn away from the Savior. Many times, I turn away! But because of the gift of repentance and because of Jesus Christ, I can change! Glory glory hallelujah I can change!

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored.
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of his terrible, swift sword;
His truth is marching on.


[Chorus]
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.


2. He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before his judgment seat.
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer him; be jubilant my feet!
Our God is marching on.


[Chorus]
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.


3. In the beauty of the lilies, Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in his bosom that transfigures you and me.
As he died to make men holy, let us live to make men free,
While God is marching on.


[Chorus]
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.


Text: Julia Ward Howe, 1819–1910
Music: Anon., ca. 1861


Alma 5:50
Doctrine and Covenants 65:1–6

Battle Hymn of the Republic

God is truth. God is light. God is love. As I have trusted Him, and let Him direct my path, my joy is fuller, my happiness is more glorious, And my life is more uplifting and fulfilling. I promise that if you look to God, even if you can no more than desire to believe to know the truth for yourself, God will guide you. Just pray. I promise He is there. I promise He is listening. If it weren’t true. I would not be here today! God lives! He will hear you and answer your prayer if you but ask in faith, nothing wavering, to know the direction you must take to follow after truth. I promise if you ask God, our eternal Father in the name of His only begotten son, Jesus Christ, in faith, he will answer your prayer.

In the sacred name of My Lord and Savior, He who is most divine, most Holy, even Jesus Christ, Amen.

How Do We Move Forward in Love and Unity Amongst Diversity? 

Back in Nov 2020, on the radio program, Top of Mind with Julie Rose, Pastor Oscar T. Moses, from Calvary Baptist Church in Salt Lake City,Utah, USA, shared his background as a police officer in Chicago, what it meant to receive a call to ministry, and perspectives on race and faith in the time of Black Lives Matter.

On the show, Pastor Moses describes his experience in the PD, including witnessing people who were treated as if their lives didn’t matter because of the perspective coming from the police officers. Some of these officers came from war, and they viewed citizens in a similar way, as the enemy.

He discussed that there comes a point when you have to speak up, for if you have a voice and you don’t speak up, you become complicit. 

He relates the modern affliction and devastation that many face today to the ancient judaic roots of the human family saying,

“From the biblical perspective, I see the scriptures from a harmonudic perspective. The lenses of those who have been marginalized. I can relate to the children of Israel coming out of the flesh pots of egypt.

“We are preaching in the midst [of many who are suffering from all manner of ailments]. Christ was in the midst of poor people, hurting people, those who didn’t receive equal distribution of wealth or power. I preach to the gospel that comforts the afflicted and afflicts the comforted.”

Moses, 2020

The challenge today is finding unity amongst diversity of beliefs, backgrounds, goals, and desires. Martin Luther King Jr., described the end result if our goals are approached with hatred and anger when he stated,

“Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community? [2010], 64-65

Loving others is not easy. Pure religion, as described by James, who is writing to the 12 tribes of Israel (James 1:1), aka us, is this, “To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world (1:27).

How do we move forward during these times of tribulation, calamities, and a spectrum of illness, trauma, addiction, and affliction especailly when the way we associate has changed? 

Robert D.Hales once advised David A. Bednar with these words, “When you cannot do what you have always done, then you only do what matters most.” 

What does this mean? Search, ponder, and pray. I believe it is different for each person, which would require the ability to receive personal revelation from the Lord. He will guide you. Believe He is guiding you. Trust that he will guide you. This is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.


Sources

http://byuradiostage.byu.edu/episode/4eb6e3b7-4026-495d-95e4-49afa0b8e2d5/in-good-faith-pastor-oscar-t-moses

My Question about Doctrine and Covenants Answered 4 Years Later

[December 28, 2020, 7:06 AM]

While reading Come Follow Me this morning, I discovered the following question I had written next to verses 19-22 of section 1 in The Doctrine and Covenants on Jan 1, 2017 Sunday:


“Why did The Lord bring forth the doctrine and covenants?”

It was neat to come across the following passage as I supplemented my study with Come Follow Me this morning.

“In November 1831, the restored Church of Jesus Christ was just a year and a half old. Though growing, it was still an obscure group of believers living in a sparsely settled frontier, led by a prophet in his mid-twenties. But God considered these believers to be His servants and His messengers, and He wanted the revelations He had given them to be published to the world…”

“It is a ‘voice of warning’ for all ‘the inhabitants of the earth,’ teaching them to repent and establish God’s ‘everlasting covenant’ (verses 4, 8, 22)”

December 28–January 3. Doctrine and Covenants 1: “Hearken, O Ye People”

Did You Learn to Love?

 

“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of ‘what if’ and ‘if only.'”

“Finding Joy in the Journey” , President Thomas S. Monson

_______________________

In my parenting class at Brigham Young University-Idaho, we’re reading The Anatomy of Peace. This week we’re focusing on Part 4 “Spreading Peace” Chapters. 22-24.  Yusuf continues to discuss the Influence pyramid approach to relationships. He asks the question, “When we’re trying to effect change in others, whether in a child, in a team at work, or in a region of the world, we are trying to correct them, are we not? We are believing that circumstances would be better if another changed. Right?”

He addresses the concern of desiring change in others. He discusses that wanting someone to change isn’t the problem; the problem is when we try to force the change. Why is this a problem? Think of why we’re here on earth. Aren’t we here to learn to become righteous stewards and agents unto ourselves? (see Doctrine and Covenants 58:28; Abraham 3:25; Helaman 14:30–31, 2 Nephi 10:23–24; Hymn 240 “Know This, That Every Soul Is Free”).

Yusuf continues to teach that if we desire for others to change, we must examine ourselves. At this invitation, I reflected on the four boxes The authors introduced early in the book. I usually get stuck in more than one “box” of thinking. I have found myself in all four boxes at some point in my life. With my family I notice I’m frequently in the I-deserve, better-than, and Must-be-seen-as boxes.  Getting out of the box is a continual process. We never reach perfection in this life, so we must always be working on something. I have many things I must work on, but right now I’ve felt to focus on humility.

Do I know what my husband loves to do? Do I still have heart-to-hearts with him? Am I viewing him as an object (a way to accomplish tasks), or do I see his hopes, dreams, desires, concerns, strengths, struggles and fears?  Are his hopes, fears and burdens as real to me as my own? (viewing him as a person).

In the Anatomy of Peace, we learn that we must spend the most time at the bottom of the pyramid.  If we have an issue at one of the levels, like “Teach & Communicate” then the answer is to “Build the Relationship.” Whatever issue arises at one level, the answer to the problem is “always below that level of the pyramid” (Arbinger Institute, 2015). In the book, Yusuf explains that typically when we’re struggling with teaching and communicating, we try to teach and communicate more, but that isn’t the answer. if we look at the pyramid the answer is…..”listen & learn.”

If I am struggling at all levels of the pyramid, then I must go to the lowest level of the pyramid. Yusuf teaches that ” Ultimately, my effectiveness at each level of the Pyramid depends on the deepest level of the pyramid-my way of being.” If I’m in the box while trying to do any of these levels of the pyramid, I will not progress in my relationships (Research ARBINGER Pyramid of Influence and the four boxes below labled “better-than,” “I-deserve,” “must-be-seen-as,” and “worse-than.” I had to first identify my feeling toward that person then I was able to see how i viewed myself, my view of others, and my view of the world. My efforts and motivations for acting must be pure and out of love. If there’s any sense of pride, nothing will change.

The following is from the talk “Beware of Pride” by President Ezra Taft Benson

Three times in the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord uses the phrase “beware of pride,” including a warning to the second elder of the Church, Oliver Cowdery, and to Emma Smith, the wife of the Prophet. (D&C 23:1; see also D&C 25:14; D&C 38:39.)

Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance. (See Mosiah 3:11; 3 Ne. 6:18.) In the scriptures there is no such thing as righteous pride—it is always considered a sin. Therefore, no matter how the world uses the term, we must understand how God uses the term so we can understand the language of holy writ and profit thereby. (See 2 Ne. 4:15; Mosiah 1:3–7; Alma 5:61.)

Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing.

The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.

Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.” As Paul said, they “seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s.” (Philip. 2:21.)

Our will in competition to God’s will allows desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled. (See Alma 38:12; 3 Ne. 12:30.)

The proud cannot accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives. (See Hel. 12:6.) They pit their perceptions of truth against God’s great knowledge, their abilities versus God’s priesthood power, their accomplishments against His mighty works.

Our enmity toward God takes on many labels, such as rebellion, hard-heartedness, stiff-neckedness, unrepentant, puffed up, easily offended, and sign seekers. The proud wish God would agree with them. They aren’t interested in changing their opinions to agree with God’s.

Another major portion of this very prevalent sin of pride is enmity toward our fellowmen. We are tempted daily to elevate ourselves above others and diminish them. (See Hel. 6:17; D&C 58:41.)

The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)

In the pre-earthly council, Lucifer placed his proposal in competition with the Father’s plan as advocated by Jesus Christ. (See Moses 4:1–3.) He wished to be honored above all others. (See 2 Ne. 24:13.) In short, his prideful desire was to dethrone God. (See D&C 29:36; D&C 76:28.)

The scriptures abound with evidences of the severe consequences of the sin of pride to individuals, groups, cities, and nations. “Pride goeth before destruction.” (Prov. 16:18.) It destroyed the Nephite nation and the city of Sodom. (See Moro. 8:27; Ezek. 16:49–50.)

It was through pride that Christ was crucified. The Pharisees were wroth because Jesus claimed to be the Son of God, which was a threat to their position, and so they plotted His death. (See John 11:53.)

Saul became an enemy to David through pride. He was jealous because the crowds of Israelite women were singing that “Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” (1 Sam. 18:6–8.)

The proud stand more in fear of men’s judgment than of God’s judgment. (See D&C 3:6–7; D&C 30:1–2; D&C 60:2.) “What will men think of me?” weighs heavier than “What will God think of me?”

King Noah was about to free the prophet Abinadi, but an appeal to his pride by his wicked priests sent Abinadi to the flames. (See Mosiah 17:11–12.) Herod sorrowed at the request of his wife to behead John the Baptist. But his prideful desire to look good to “them which sat with him at meat” caused him to kill John. (Matt. 14:9; see also Mark 6:26.)

Fear of men’s judgment manifests itself in competition for men’s approval. The proud love “the praise of men more than the praise of God.” (John 12:42–43.) Our motives for the things we do are where the sin is manifest. Jesus said He did “always those things” that pleased God. (John 8:29.) Would we not do well to have the pleasing of God as our motive rather than to try to elevate ourselves above our brother and outdo another?

Some prideful people are not so concerned as to whether their wages meet their needs as they are that their wages are more than someone else’s. Their reward is being a cut above the rest. This is the enmity of pride.

When pride has a hold on our hearts, we lose our independence of the world and deliver our freedoms to the bondage of men’s judgment. The world shouts louder than the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. The reasoning of men overrides the revelations of God, and the proud let go of the iron rod. (See 1 Ne. 8:19–28; 1 Ne. 11:25; 1 Ne. 15:23–24.)

Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves. Most of us consider pride to be a sin of those on the top, such as the rich and the learned, looking down at the rest of us. (See 2 Ne. 9:42.) There is, however, a far more common ailment among us—and that is pride from the bottom looking up. It is manifest in so many ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.

Disobedience is essentially a prideful power struggle against someone in authority over us. It can be a parent, a priesthood leader, a teacher, or ultimately God. A proud person hates the fact that someone is above him. He thinks this lowers his position.

Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. “How everything affects me” is the center of all that matters—self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking.

Pride results in secret combinations which are built up to get power, gain, and glory of the world. (See Hel. 7:5; Ether 8:9, 16, 22–23; Moses 5:31.) This fruit of the sin of pride, namely secret combinations, brought down both the Jaredite and the Nephite civilizations and has been and will yet be the cause of the fall of many nations. (See Ether 8:18–25.)

Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride.

Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away. Contention ranges from a hostile spoken word to worldwide conflicts. The scriptures tell us that “only by pride cometh contention.” (Prov. 13:10; see also Prov. 28:25.)

The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges. (See 1 Ne. 16:1–3.) They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings.

The proud do not receive counsel or correction easily. (See Prov. 15:10; Amos 5:10.) Defensiveness is used by them to justify and rationalize their frailties and failures. (See Matt. 3:9; John 6:30–59.)

The proud depend upon the world to tell them whether they have value or not. Their self-esteem is determined by where they are judged to be on the ladders of worldly success. They feel worthwhile as individuals if the numbers beneath them in achievement, talent, beauty, or intellect are large enough. Pride is ugly. It says, “If you succeed, I am a failure.”

If we love God, do His will, and fear His judgment more than men’s, we will have self-esteem.

Pride is a damning sin in the true sense of that word. It limits or stops progression. (See Alma 12:10–11.) The proud are not easily taught. (See 1 Ne. 15:3, 7–11.) They won’t change their minds to accept truths, because to do so implies they have been wrong.

Pride adversely affects all our relationships—our relationship with God and His servants, between husband and wife, parent and child, employer and employee, teacher and student, and all mankind. Our degree of pride determines how we treat our God and our brothers and sisters. Christ wants to lift us to where He is. Do we desire to do the same for others?

Pride fades our feelings of sonship to God and brotherhood to man. It separates and divides us by “ranks,” according to our “riches” and our “chances for learning.” (3 Ne. 6:12.) Unity is impossible for a proud people, and unless we are one we are not the Lord’s. (See Mosiah 18:21; D&C 38:27; D&C 105:2–4; Moses 7:18.)

Think of what pride has cost us in the past and what it is now costing us in our own lives, our families, and the Church.

Think of the repentance that could take place with lives changed, marriages preserved, and homes strengthened, if pride did not keep us from confessing our sins and forsaking them. (See D&C 58:43.)

Think of the many who are less active members of the Church because they were offended and their pride will not allow them to forgive or fully sup at the Lord’s table.

Think of the tens of thousands of additional young men and couples who could be on missions except for the pride that keeps them from yielding their hearts unto God. (See Alma 10:6; Hel. 3:34–35.)

Think how temple work would increase if the time spent in this godly service were more important than the many prideful pursuits that compete for our time.

Pride affects all of us at various times and in various degrees. Now you can see why the building in Lehi’s dream that represents the pride of the world was large and spacious and great was the multitude that did enter into it. (See 1 Ne. 8:26, 33; 1 Ne. 11:35–36.)

Pride is the universal sin, the great vice. Yes, pride is the universal sin, the great vice.

The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness. (See Alma 7:23.) It is the broken heart and contrite spirit. (See 3 Ne. 9:20; 3 Ne. 12:19; D&C 20:37; D&C 59:8; Ps. 34:18; Isa. 57:15; Isa. 66:2.) As Rudyard Kipling put it so well:

The tumult and the shouting dies;

The captains and the kings depart.

Still stands thine ancient sacrifice,

An humble and a contrite heart.

Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet,

Lest we forget, lest we forget.

(Hymns, 1985, no. 80.)

God will have a humble people. Either we can choose to be humble or we can be compelled to be humble. Alma said, “Blessed are they who humble themselves without being compelled to be humble.” (Alma 32:16.)

Let us choose to be humble.

We can choose to humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we are. (See D&C 38:24; D&C 81:5; D&C 84:106.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by receiving counsel and chastisement. (See Jacob 4:10; Hel. 15:3; D&C 63:55; D&C 101:4–5; D&C 108:1; D&C 124:61, 84; D&C 136:31; Prov. 9:8.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by forgiving those who have offended us. (See 3 Ne. 13:11, 14; D&C 64:10.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by rendering selfless service. (See Mosiah 2:16–17.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by going on missions and preaching the word that can humble others. (See Alma 4:19; Alma 31:5; Alma 48:20.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by getting to the temple more frequently.

We can choose to humble ourselves by confessing and forsaking our sins and being born of God. (See D&C 58:43; Mosiah 27:25–26; Alma 5:7–14, 49.)

We can choose to humble ourselves by loving God, submitting our will to His, and putting Him first in our lives. (See 3 Ne. 11:11; 3 Ne. 13:33; Moro. 10:32.)

Let us choose to be humble. We can do it. I know we can.

My dear brethren and sisters, we must prepare to redeem Zion. It was essentially the sin of pride that kept us from establishing Zion in the days of the Prophet Joseph Smith. It was the same sin of pride that brought consecration to an end among the Nephites. (See 4 Ne. 1:24–25.)

Pride is the great stumbling block to Zion. I repeat: Pride isthe great stumbling block to Zion.

We must cleanse the inner vessel by conquering pride. (See Alma 6:2–4; Matt. 23:25–26.)

We must yield “to the enticings of the Holy Spirit,” put off the prideful “natural man,” become “a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord,” and become “as a child, submissive, meek, humble.” (Mosiah 3:19; see also Alma 13:28.)

That we may do so and go on to fulfill our divine destiny is my fervent prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

 

If we desire others to change, we must first look at ourselves. Where does Pride reside, and how is it stopping us from progressing? If we read, study and ponder on the scriptures in search of the answer to the question, “What Lack I yet,” The spirit will testify what things we must work on (see Matthew 19:20)

reading, studying, and pondering are not the same. We read words and we may get ideas. We study and we may discover patterns and connections in scripture. But when we ponder, we invite revelation by the Spirit. Pondering, to me, is the thinking and the praying I do after reading and studying in the scriptures carefully.”

I know that if you remain faithful and humble, you can be strengthened through Jesus Christ. If you move forward with a prayer in your heart and a sincere desire to be better than you were yesterday, the Lord will guide you.

References:

APA (American Psychological Assoc.)
Arbinger Institute, T. (2015). The Anatomy of Peace : Resolving the Heart of Conflict (Vol. Second edition). Oakland, California: Berrett-Koehler Publishers.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1989/05/beware-of-pride?lang=eng

 

Surrogacy

Last year, I met with my dear friend Jaqui (name change). She’s married, has two sons, and has her own business. “Coincidentally” (remember I don’t believe the Lord does coincidences), Jaqui and her husband moved up close by me. They use to live about two hours away, suddenly they were a 15 minute drive. We met up several times and chatted, and each time she would discuss surrogacy. I remember once learning about surrogacy three or four years ago. I read that many celebrities opted for surrogacy, so they could maintain their physique. I thought it was a great idea, but I also had a different perspective on life during that time.

As I’ve returned to the restored Church of Jesus Christ, I’ve come to learn that family is vital to God’s plan of Happiness (see “The Family: A Proclamation to the World”), and that the Lord commands us to raise our children in “light and truth” (D&C 93:40). From the scriptures we understand that “whatsoever is truth is light, whatsoever is light is Spirit” (D&C 84:45), meaning, The spirit teaches us truth. We also learn in Alma that “whatsoever is light is good” (Alma 32:35). This would make sense. I would rather know the truth than follow after the “philosophies of man.” (think about Sherem, Nehor, and Korihor- these philosophies presently exist; see also “Modern-Day Korihors,” David J. Ridges, New Era, Mar. 2013, 20-23; “Countering Korihor’s Philosophy,” Gerald N. Lund, Ensign, July 1992, 16).

In my parenting class at BYU-Idaho, we were asked what other questions I may have after studying the importance of gender, and what we were going to do to seek an answer. I wondered how surrogacy fit into marriage and family, for both same-sex and opposite-sex couples. I said I was going to search, ponder, and pray to find the truth. I wrote, “This is a very controversial topic right now with a very dear loved one, and I don’t know what to do.”

I never thought surrogacy should be advised against, until after conversing with Jaqui. I remember as she spoke, I felt confused. I thought it was wonderful she wanted to give this family a baby. I praised her for her unselfish desires. She then confessed it wasn’t all about the family not being able to have children. Of course her heart ached for them, and she wanted to help them, but she made it clear that the surrogacy would benefit their family financially too.

I still felt confused as I drove home that night. My husband greeted me as I walked through the door, and we began discussing our evenings activities. As I brought up surrogacy, I asked him if it was “wrong.” He instructed me that the church “strongly discourages” against surrogacy. Today, was the first day I looked into this teaching. In the Church’s handbook it states, “The Church strongly discourages surrogate motherhood. However, this is a personal matter that ultimately must be left to the judgment of the husband and wife. Responsibility for the decision rests solely upon them (“21. Selected Church POlicies and Guidelines,” Handbook 2: Administering the Church (2019). As I read this I thought,” this is a responsibility I don’t want, nor would I want to answer to in the next life.” This is my own opinion! If you’re considering surrogacy, search, ponder, and pray. If it is good, the spirit witness the truth of it to you. If it’s not, the Lord will let you know, I promise (D&C 9:9).

Consider the following questions taken from the “Lesson 6: ‘I Will Tell You in Your Mind and in Your Heart, by the Holy Ghost’” Doctrine and Covenants and Church History: Gospel Doctrine Teacher’s Manual (1999), 29–34.

  • Why is it important to submit our will to God’s will when we seek personal revelation?

  • How can we recognize when God answers “no”? (Answers could include that we will have negative feelings, confusion, feelings of unrest and uneasiness, or a “stupor of thought” [D&C 9:9]… [think] of experiences you’ve had with receiving such feelings.)

  • How should we respond when a sincere prayer about something we desire very much is not answered the way we want? How can such experiences help us?

Let me share a story with you that happened to me yesterday. Disclaimer: I am not sharing this to boast, nor brag, but to glory in the Lord’s work as Ammon (see Alma 26:10-12).

THE MOST AMAZING THING JUST HAPPENED

8/14/2019

Heavenly Father is aware of me, miracles are possible.

I just got out of the temple this morning. I woke up at 5:35am and knew I needed to go to the temple…I kept getting fixated on little things like house cleaning and tidying up. Long story short, I didn’t leave my house until about 8am and arrived to the temple close to 8:30. I did initiatories (ordinance performed in the temple) and walked out of the temple just before 10am. Usually I walk straight to my car, but instead I chose to sit on a bench near the reflecting pool. I focused on the beautiful landscape, the sounds of the fountain, and observed one of the gardeners working in a nearby flower bed.

After 20 minutes, I knew I needed to study. I thought I could go to a local library to study, but as I looked up the location and thought more about it, I thought about the institute building nearby. I kept shooing the thought from my mind. “Why would I study there?” I thought. I continually fought the thought, but my next thought was along the lines of, “I have so much homework, I need to get going.” I stood up and walked down the sidewalk. A nice older gentleman greeted me with a, “Good morning.” I smiled and greeted him back, and he responded again, “Enjoy the rest of your day.” “Thanks you too!” I was somewhat thrown off [by his] second response. Usually, if someone greets me that’s it, but this brief extra effort lifted my spirits.

I arrived to the University and parked my car at the free parking on the side of the road. I got out of my car and started walking toward the university. “I could just go to the library here and study” [I thought]. As I continued walking, I started thinking, “What am I doing?” And I repeated the thought several times in my mind, but I just kept walking. I had a subtle feeling in my heart that I was being lead by the spirit, so I just kept going.

I walked all the way up to the front of the institute building, and thought, “Please be open, please don’t be locked.” It’s August 14, 2019, so classes don’t start for two more weeks. I pulled on the doors [and] they opened… I felt relief sweep through my mind. I walked in thinking I should ask one of the ladies at the front desk if it was okay I studied in the giant student hall. (It’s the room with billiards and such). But as I looked to my right and saw the doors [to the student hall] were open and the lights were on, I caught glimpse of the beautiful brown baby grand piano. The room was empty, so I walked in. I knew this was good. I just felt good inside.

I sat down, began unpacking my things, pulled out my laptop with the thought to plug in my headphones and get right to work. My next thought was… “What if I plug in my headphones, then someone might see me and be swayed away from talking to me. Maybe I’ll want to talk to that person.” So, I left my earphones out, and turned on my laptop. Within moments of making this decision, I heard a man’s familiar deep voice. “Is that brother Carter (name changed)?” I wondered. He had been my institute teacher for the Foundations of the Restoration class. I leaped from my chair (literally), grinning from ear to ear. “Maybe it wasn’t him.” I thought, but I had to see.

I walked quickly to the front office, and peered through the looking glass. It was him! I hollered, “Brother Carter!” (I usually wait politely and patiently, but I couldn’t contain my excitement). One of the secretaries, smiled at me, “You have to be louder than that!” I smiled back, “Brother Carter!” I hollered again. These were quiet Hollers. Kind of like a whispering shout. If you’ve ever tried to get someones attention “quietly” without disturbing others around, it’s like a whispered holler. He was talking, so I thought I shouldn’t interrupt, vocally. I walked towards the door, and he smiled when he saw me.

He walked through the doors of the office, and we began catching up. As I briefly spoke about my recent schooling adventures, I pictured talking about Brother Bailey (name changed), and next thing I know we were talking about Brother Bailey and walking downstairs towards his office (I have been trying to get in touch with brother Bailey about becoming a seminary teacher for over a year, clearly it wasn’t a priority if all I did was call him). When we arrived, his secretary informed us that he should be back later this afternoon. Brother Carter planned to get in touch with Brother Bailey, so we could meet up and discuss the process of becoming a seminary teacher. I was elated, and I couldn’t believe what just happened; it was surreal.

_______________

Two weeks ago, I began studying my scriptures intently seeking further direction, further light and knowledge concerning which direction I should take. This was it. This is what I pictured. I pictured me coming up to the institute. And somehow, someway.. it just made me so happy at the thought of being there. That’s what prompted me to quit my current job. Which inadvertently I quit the position with an offer of another position, just working less hours, which is what I needed to maintain my schedule and sanity.

After this experience, I wrote, “I feel so blessed. My soul rejoices at [the Lord’s] tender mercies.” Several hours later, these feelings would be smothered with doubt, discontent, and confusion. When Brother Carter reached Brother Bailey by phone, Brother Carter found me studying to let me know I could go see Brother Bailey. I was excited and anxious, and I felt like I was going to a job interview.

When I first met brother Bailey, he said something like, “You seem very familiar.” We tried to pinpoint where we may have met, but I didn’t think we had ever met. I had only called him a few times to try to talk to him. That must have been what it was. While we talked, I kept picturing Bridgette, my second cousin. She recommended I take a class for teaching seminary years ago, when I wasn’t active. After meeting with brother Bailey I felt alone. I thought, “Where have I been? I still feel like I’m sinking. I feel like such a selfish person. Like I’ve buried myself form the world. I have lost touch. I can’t describe it. I just feel sad. My brain can’t remember simple things.”

I felt confused. I didn’t have a glimpse of peace. From the moment I left his office I was filled with doubt. He gave me all of the information about the pursuit of being a seminary teacher. I was so excited up until that moment. I remember picturing the kids I would be able to teach, and it slowly felt like this dream was fading into the background, like it didn’t matter anymore. I felt empty and lost. I was filled with dread, sadness, and doubt? Why? How could this be when everything perfectly aligned? From the moment of leaving the temple, everything was about my choices and timing. I chose to follow the prompting to go to institute to study rather than the library. I chose to leave my head phones out, in case I needed to talk to someone. I knew none of this was a coincidence, but it seemed the direction I was suddenly heading, wasn’t the one I wanted.

Brother Bailey asked who my teachers were in seminary. I could only remember one, Brother Gardner (name changed). Until later as I reflected I thought, “Wow I can’t even remember anymore.. sadness feels my soul. Why no gladness…” I prayed for comfort, for hope, for anything. I pictured President Nelson and the word “joy.” So, naturally I googled it (by adding “churchofjesuschrist” to any google search you’ll find topics in the churches website; e.g. “churchofjesuschrist Nelson Joy). Here’s the talk I found. “Joy Cometh in the Morning” by Russell M. Nelson.

The title of my message is taken from the thirtieth Psalm, verse 5 [Ps. 30:5]: “Joy cometh in the morning.” As I discussed this scripture with members of our family, they recalled that “men are, that they might have joy” (2 Ne. 2:25), but they had not pondered the intriguing concept that “joy cometh in the morning.”

After seeing this I had hope that I would have joy in the morning. I wondered, “If I maintain the growth mindset, where will I be?” and thought, “Maybe this is a tender mercy…”

Later that evening, I was embarking on an addiction I want completely uprooted from my life. I knew I had to leave my home, but I was tired. I continually prayed for the spirit to be with me, so I could finish what I need to for the day. After a good 45 minutes of wrestling with my natural tendencies, I finally left. As I drove, I had that same feeling again. I didn’t want to go to the library. “Where am I supposed to go then Lord?” I prayed silently. I pictured my niece, Madi (name changed). I drove straight to my brother’s home. This choice led to a conversation with my sister-in-law about my day’s events and about Adam and Eve. Eve chose to partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge that she would know good from evil. Did she know this was the key to progression?

As we discussed this story I was reminded of a thought I had last summer. Are we going to have children? Are they going to be twins? one boy and one girl? Was this my imagination or a prompting? I felt so sure of this thought that I gleefully told my sister-in-law about it, as if it were a sure thing. Like I knew I would be 8 months pregnant by June 2019. It’s now August 2019. We have no children. Was this because I didn’t say anything to my husband? Was this because I lacked faith? I brought up having children multiple times, trust me. I brought up the doctrine to “multiply and replenish the earth.”

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago, I thought that perhaps God has a different plan for us.

July 23, 2019 I woke up with the word a certain word on my mind, I didn’t have a pen or notepad by my bed, so I kept repeating “Sophie,” until falling back to sleep (always keep pen and notepad by your bed). Here’s my journal entry on the experience.

When I woke up I couldn’t even remember “soph” at first, but then I did. So I hopped out of bed, went to find my phone and began typing in “sophie lds” into google search. Then “sophistiory” and something about the missionaries popped up. “No, it’s a real word.” I thought. “I have to find it.” I was determined, so I kept searching. But nothing. I came across something about “Is God Mormon?” and other questions about the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For some reason I typed in “mormon” and that brought up the topic of contraception. Then I became curious…. “What is the church’s stance on contraception? What about condoms?” I searched “birth control” and I ended up on an article from ldsliving.com titled, “Birth control: What the prophets have actually said” by Jannalee Sandau Nov. 29, 2017
I read “Presient Gordon B. Hinckley, 1984” in bright blue bold letters and continued reading his quote which stated, “ I am offended by the sophistry….” I paused, “Wait…. What???? This is the word!!!!” I thought, so I continued reading.

His teaching stated, ““I am offended by the sophistry that the only lot of the Latter-day Saint woman is to be barefoot and pregnant. It’s a clever phrase, but it’s false. Of course we believe in children. The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families. But he did not designate the number, nor has the Church. That is a sacred matter left to the couple and the Lord. The official statement of the Church includes this language: ‘Husbands must be considerate of their wives, who have the greater responsibility not only of bearing children but of caring for them through childhood, and should help them conserve their health and strength. Married couples should exercise self-control in all of their relationships. They should seek inspiration from the Lord in meeting their marital challenges and rearing their children according to the teachings of the gospel’” (see also (General Handbook of Instructions [1983], p. 77)” (Cornerstones of a Happy Home, 6).

_______________

When I look back to this moment in time, I know I will be grateful for what happened yesterday. I feel my answer to being a seminary teacher may be, “not yet,” or “I have something else in mind for you.” The reason I feel this is because toward the end of mine and brother Bailey’s conversation he made two statements. They were along the lines of a: After going through the classes and the training they will pray about it, and if it’s right I will be in the program, or b: if not, Heavenly Father has a different plan for you. That’s when I felt nothing. But… I remember before going into meeting with him, I had Elder Dennis E. Simmons words go through my mind, “But if not.” I remembered the story Elder Bednar taught in That We Might “Not … Shrink” (D&C 19:18; CES Devotional for Young Adults • March 3, 2013 • University of Texas Arlington). A man with cancer, called for Elder Bednar to give him a blessing and Elder Bednar asked him this question,

“[John,] do you have the faith not to be healed? If it is the will of our Heavenly Father that you are transferred by death in your youth to the spirit world to continue your ministry, do you have the faith to submit to His will and not be healed?”

I know Heavenly Father has a plan. If we trust Him, if we follow Him, if we keep His commandments we will be blessed.

“We glory in tribulations … knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed”(Romans 5:3–5).